I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
