I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
