Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
