My room smells like vodka and shame
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
