dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
