so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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