Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
