Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
