So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
