so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
