Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
