no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
