the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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