Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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