ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
