Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
