Non-Jews are for practice
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
