I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
