Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
