My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
