I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
