Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize