so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
