I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
