I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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