it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
