i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
