found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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