where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
