This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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