ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
