I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
