The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
