Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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