I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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