Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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