So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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