so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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