Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
