Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were destined to go to rehab together
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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