hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
