What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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