Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
