are you still at the devil's house?
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
