OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
