The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
