official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
