I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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