So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
