Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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