you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
