We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
