Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
