I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
