I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
