I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
