the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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