Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
