take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize