We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We are all done wearing pants today
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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