Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
