Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
