Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
