Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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