I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize