I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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