i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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