Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
